This is for you, my girl who is trying hard to figure out her life after a heartbreak .
I know that you get up every morning with a promise to yourself that you will not let your past take control over your present ,that you will try to believe in yourself a little more ,that may be soon you will get your closure or will be able to see why all this had to turn out this way . But every night you go back to sleep again wiping away your tears a bit roughly because you don want your heart and mind wander again about the same person who broke you down .
I know that you have been hoping to turn out to be more attractive overnight and everything else you could, which will eventually make him realize what a loss he had but all you can do is pull yourself out of your bed, pushing away your overwhelming thoughts to make one more day bearable ,to smile back when people smile at you .while all you wanted to go back to your dark room and close your eyes peacefully where no one could ask you” what is wrong with you ,why don’t you laugh often like you always used to”.
He is already seeing someone, while all you are able to do is spend one more day without flipping back to that golden diary which contains all your memories.
I know you have been wondering whether he misses you or not .weather the song of you two still remind him of you . I know that you tried to fake that smile and portray yourself happy so that he can see that you are doing well without him .You put that makeup on and got all dolled up to test the theory of “get up and show up” But that did not help either. You are back into your PJ ,with uncombed hair and puffy eyes while scrolling through his party pictures from last night.He is looking so happy ,no regrets, no pain on his face unlike yours as if he was waiting for you to get away from his life . No ,don’t take away your eyes to avoid the pain .Look the way he is holding her by the waist .
Let your heart feel that pain ,let your throat get choked with the lump of tears you are trying to control ,let those tears flow but keep staring at those pictures until the moment it hurts a bit less . And I promise you there will come a day when you won’t need to wipe away this’ tears sway away those thoughts. You will definitely smile with all your heart that genuine ,innocent smile of yours which light up your face and leaves you with glittery eyes .You will dress up and show up too because you will want to not to prove him your worth .And that day my love his hands around someone else’s waist won’t hurt you anymore .He will become non-existent for you as you have been for him always .
with love, from the one trying to move on